tonight (12/28/04) reunion with college friends....
Tuesday, December 28, 2004
Saturday, December 11, 2004
Xed - mas!
okay, so christmas is supposed to be the most meaningful holiday/holy day (and there's nothing wrong with that coz this world needs a lot of meaning...) but why do people have the compulsion to tell others to be nice to people who you have been avoiding the whole year?
if you are a genuinely good person, that means you would've been friends with them even before christmas (and not wait for the end of the year)...
if you have been avoiding them the whole year that just mean one thing - there's no way you want to be near these people, not even on christmas...
i thought people value honesty (translation: i don't like those people!) & they want people to be real (translation: this is me. i'm a biyatch. accept that and be my friend or get out of the fvck*ng way!)
people around are flashing their smiles to people they wanted dead from january to november...
they act as if christmas will never be complete if they will not become fake, plastic carricatures of their original beings....
in this alternate reality, christmas has become a necessary evil. if only to remind humanity that the only thing keeping us from ripping each other apart is hypocrisy...
try to be happy this christmas...
but above all be real....
be you...
if you are a genuinely good person, that means you would've been friends with them even before christmas (and not wait for the end of the year)...
if you have been avoiding them the whole year that just mean one thing - there's no way you want to be near these people, not even on christmas...
i thought people value honesty (translation: i don't like those people!) & they want people to be real (translation: this is me. i'm a biyatch. accept that and be my friend or get out of the fvck*ng way!)
people around are flashing their smiles to people they wanted dead from january to november...
they act as if christmas will never be complete if they will not become fake, plastic carricatures of their original beings....
in this alternate reality, christmas has become a necessary evil. if only to remind humanity that the only thing keeping us from ripping each other apart is hypocrisy...
try to be happy this christmas...
but above all be real....
be you...
Wednesday, November 24, 2004
ballad
Clutching the body
Half- alive, half - dead
Striving to recollect
Broken pieces
Of a pride and life
What has been
A lonely struggle
The futile strife
Half a dream
Over a millionSuffering,
tormented
Marred soul
Destroyed,
disfigured
Rejected,
humiliated
Being Alienated,
a derelict
Indifferent now
Unmoved,
unknown
Hope vanished,
stolen
Faith - lost
In agony
Cold
Alone.
ballad of the mistrel man
Sometimes, in my overwakefulness, dreams come to me in guises of reality. It is in not sleeping that I find myself sinking in the quagmire of an even deeper dream. In times of living color, of vivid reality, I wallow in an all too familiar black pit devoid of light. It is in my aloneness that I drown in noise that my ears fail to perceive - of moans, of tortured suffering, of spiritual anguish and emotional despair. In times when I find myself in the midst of friends and relatives, I find myself shivering of cold, being drawn into that desolate chasm - falling, alienated, alone. The comfort offered by everyday domestic luxuries pierce my body with venomous thorns making me bleed and writhe in pain. I derive ridicule in praise. People’s assurance and laughter deafens me - grabs my heart from my breast and crushes it. Their comforting wisdom and guidance cripples my self-concept, thereby killing reason, and sits grinning in the funeral. Sanity is then frozen with their hypocritical warmth and then thawed by the scorched soul with blistering heat while being thrown in the funeral pyre.
I futily sleep to wake-up from this nightmare - only to wake-up after and taste death in the dreams of the overwakefulness of life.
“Et clamor meus ad te veniat…”
I futily sleep to wake-up from this nightmare - only to wake-up after and taste death in the dreams of the overwakefulness of life.
“Et clamor meus ad te veniat…”
swansong
There was a point in my life when no one could be happier than I. At that time, it seemed that nothing mattered anymore. No one mattered anymore. It was when time and space mingled into an inconceivable blur. The chaos of the outside world blended in the background. It lost its weight, its impact. It was as if all I ever wished since childhood came true. Everything I ever needed materialized into one absolute happy package and I had it all. Everything was perfect. Everything was too good to be true.It probably was. Now, I can’t think of anything besides farewell. I didn’t regret it though. In fact, If I have to relive my life again, I would relive that moment. No ifs, no buts. That time was a definite all time high in my “so called life”. But no matter how much I try so hard to rekindle the passion, the flame is just isn’t there anymore. Maybe it was the countless realizations along the way. Right now, I think of a lot of things. I think of joy, of sorrow, of passion, of lessons learned and everything in between. And yet no matter how many adjectives I try to apply to everything that happened before, I still am unable to utter a word. Because how do you say what you feel and not get hurt when nothing you could ever say is more appropriate than “goodbye?”
a barrage of pictures...
suddenly all those happy memories came flooding my mind...
suffocating me, actually....
thus, all these pics from a previous life were posted...
before i drown completely in the flood of happy memories...
(never thought happy memories can be so sad....)
suffocating me, actually....
thus, all these pics from a previous life were posted...
before i drown completely in the flood of happy memories...
(never thought happy memories can be so sad....)
CONFIRMED!
there i was eating in the most obvious of ways... plate settings, food, beverage, table napkin, etc...
then came people and immediately after seeing you trying to masticate the bit of dead animal part inside your mouth, they asked: "What are you doing?"
i can think of some possible answers:
A. i'm knitting a sweater
B. providing world peace
C. trying to kick your grandmother's remaining teeth out of her mouth
but i chose D - be civilized and actually answered: "i'm eating" which later will make me feel like an idiot for answering...
there i was sitting on some public waiting area waiting for the bus to come... in came a big fat guy who looked like he ate his whole family in just 2 weeks & stepped on my new, white leather shoes...
that's not the bad part...
he just went on as if nothing happened...
if he was human, he would've said "sorry"... simple as that....
but he's not...
there i was minding my own business while ignoring some people that i actually know to be irritating, then, out of the blue, these people approached me and said :"we noticed you staying here all by yourself. would you like to gossip with us?"
(yes, that's what i wanted all along, that's why i was trying very hard to ignore you, morons!)
no matter how good you feel in a day, somebody (or if you are lucky, a lot of people) will effortlessly ruin your day for you....
this confirms my longstanding suspicion that the world is overpopulated with the wrong kind of people!!!
then came people and immediately after seeing you trying to masticate the bit of dead animal part inside your mouth, they asked: "What are you doing?"
i can think of some possible answers:
A. i'm knitting a sweater
B. providing world peace
C. trying to kick your grandmother's remaining teeth out of her mouth
but i chose D - be civilized and actually answered: "i'm eating" which later will make me feel like an idiot for answering...
there i was sitting on some public waiting area waiting for the bus to come... in came a big fat guy who looked like he ate his whole family in just 2 weeks & stepped on my new, white leather shoes...
that's not the bad part...
he just went on as if nothing happened...
if he was human, he would've said "sorry"... simple as that....
but he's not...
there i was minding my own business while ignoring some people that i actually know to be irritating, then, out of the blue, these people approached me and said :"we noticed you staying here all by yourself. would you like to gossip with us?"
(yes, that's what i wanted all along, that's why i was trying very hard to ignore you, morons!)
no matter how good you feel in a day, somebody (or if you are lucky, a lot of people) will effortlessly ruin your day for you....
this confirms my longstanding suspicion that the world is overpopulated with the wrong kind of people!!!
Monday, November 08, 2004
when living is killing you
the weight of the world is on my balls and it's weighing me down....
the people around just whizzz past me.....
this world is so disconnected right now....
i'm from planet HELLO.... HELLO.... HELLO.....
nobody's fucking out there....
aaaaaarrrrgggghhhhh!!!!!
life is a bitch and LIVING is KILLING ME!!!!
the people around just whizzz past me.....
this world is so disconnected right now....
i'm from planet HELLO.... HELLO.... HELLO.....
nobody's fucking out there....
aaaaaarrrrgggghhhhh!!!!!
life is a bitch and LIVING is KILLING ME!!!!
Thursday, August 19, 2004
B4 aka the TAGE's
B4 stands for Bitch, Buk, Boring & Burikat or the people commonly called the TAGE's (Tañola, Alota, Garcia & Estaño)
that's us.
the only 4 enlightened people in a community full of limitations & senseless traditions...
okay, maybe that's a little too much to say but being repressed is not a good quality in these modern times...
anyways, last night was Buk's bday bash... or bashed - if you knew exactly what happened to some people.... lol.....
there was booze... our group's choice of poison is of course.... extra-strong beer "Red Horse" (imagine ESTELLA ARTOIS) - delicious beer flavor with a kick (especially the next morning - some people call it HANGOVER!)..... although, Boring was a little slow that night (meaning: the kick which was supposed to hurt in the morning hurt that night... in medical school it's called vomitus.... lol).... what was cool was he did it in front of a fastfood joint.... in front of people eating (imagine that! then imagine a collective "EWWWW" from the people inside....)
in between that, we had spicy sizzling sisig with egg & karaoke... although if you were there you'd be tempted to call it "KARATEoke"..... was fun.... our collective voices created tension among people of different races & religion.....
we had fun.
we have great friendship.
and of course, we have hangovers. (then again, what's the point of going out without it?)
ttyl.
that's us.
the only 4 enlightened people in a community full of limitations & senseless traditions...
okay, maybe that's a little too much to say but being repressed is not a good quality in these modern times...
anyways, last night was Buk's bday bash... or bashed - if you knew exactly what happened to some people.... lol.....
there was booze... our group's choice of poison is of course.... extra-strong beer "Red Horse" (imagine ESTELLA ARTOIS) - delicious beer flavor with a kick (especially the next morning - some people call it HANGOVER!)..... although, Boring was a little slow that night (meaning: the kick which was supposed to hurt in the morning hurt that night... in medical school it's called vomitus.... lol).... what was cool was he did it in front of a fastfood joint.... in front of people eating (imagine that! then imagine a collective "EWWWW" from the people inside....)
in between that, we had spicy sizzling sisig with egg & karaoke... although if you were there you'd be tempted to call it "KARATEoke"..... was fun.... our collective voices created tension among people of different races & religion.....
we had fun.
we have great friendship.
and of course, we have hangovers. (then again, what's the point of going out without it?)
ttyl.
Tuesday, August 17, 2004
Monday, August 16, 2004
conversations with the demons in my head
next time i hear the little voice inside my head - I'LL FOLLOW WHAT IT SAYS!
sucked!
if all my thoughts today points to the general direction of angst, that's just because I am!
nah, as usual i'm bored & do nothing but wait for my mind to go numb facing the computer. i always do this kind of thing. this never work!
two nights ago i had fun with my friends & others. i had more fun with others but i value more my friends coz i almost always forget "others" after the big bang. you know what i mean.
if you don't, do yourself a favor - hurl yourself off tall buildings!
nah, as usual i'm bored & do nothing but wait for my mind to go numb facing the computer. i always do this kind of thing. this never work!
two nights ago i had fun with my friends & others. i had more fun with others but i value more my friends coz i almost always forget "others" after the big bang. you know what i mean.
if you don't, do yourself a favor - hurl yourself off tall buildings!
arrrrgh!
ever have the feeling that you weren't supposed to be here? by here, i mean the world. do you? - i don't! however, i always get this feeling that this world isn't supposed to be here. or at least the people.
it's ironic because the way communication is developing today (celfones, internet, etc.) one would think the gap over the continents would have to be at least remedied. but no. this world is more disconnected than ever before.
living is killing me.
then again, maybe it's just the boredome talking, no, mumbling....
it's ironic because the way communication is developing today (celfones, internet, etc.) one would think the gap over the continents would have to be at least remedied. but no. this world is more disconnected than ever before.
living is killing me.
then again, maybe it's just the boredome talking, no, mumbling....
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