eleven minutes

passion makes a person stop eating, sleeping, working, feeling at peace. a lot of people are frightened because, when it appears, it demolishes all the old things it finds in its path.

no one wants their life thrown into chaos. that is why a lot of people keep that threat under control, and are somehow capable of sustaining a house or a structure that is already rotten. they are the engineers of the superseded.

other people think exactly the opposite: they surreneder themselves without a second thought, hoping to find in passion the solutions to all their problems. they make the other person responsible for their happiness and blame them for their possible unhappiness. they are either euphoric because something marvelous has happened or depressed because something unexpected has just ruined everything.

keeping passion at bay or surrendering blindly to it - which of these two attitudes is the least destructive?

i don't know.

(paulo coelho)

Facing the Wall...

waiting for something...

miracle, redemption, anything...

nothing, nothing, nothing...

just facing the wall...

HISSY FIT

I'm five years old again...

I'm standing in front of a toy i know i couldn't have...

I'm screaming my head off...

I'm tearing my hair and scattering them all over...

I'm banging my head on the concrete floor... blood gushes...

I'm kicking furiously at everything...

I'm keening, I'm wailing...

I'm five years old again but this time, nobody hears or sees me...

Nobody's there!

i'm sorry, but...

i'm sorry, but....
it has been almost a week...

but who's counting?


wasn't it you who said that you love me? that your feelings for me won't change? and that nothing will ever make you leave?


i'm sorry but i'm confused right now... because you left no trace and i am having trouble making your words and my reality coincide.


wasn't it that the last time we communicated we were happy? didn't we plan for our lives to be together for always?


i'm sorry but you promised me eternity and yet, right now, you are making me feel that my forever has ended and our future has become a thing of the past.


haven't we agreed, as fated halves of each other, that we will always talk things out? didn't we say that most of our miscommunications will be remedied with being open?


i'm sorry but for a week now i was the only one talking and you seem like a mute witness to my anguish... enjoying my turmoil, basking in the dark light of my despair and feeding on my weakness, insecurities and nearly extinguished joy.


haven't we made enough promises to each other to never hurt one another?


i'm sorry but i can only remember your words and they do no good to the pain you have subjected me now.


it has been almost a week.

days, hours, minutes, seconds...

and i am still waiting, waiting...

i'm sorry but i am counting.

mi vuelvo loco

i got a wrong number today.

the caller was a moron (obviously, he has achieved "slowness" in more than one aspects of his life!). he "wasn't sure" (as quoted) what numbers he dialled but he's sure he dialled the right numbers and he's looking for his friend. he wouldn't stop. he called several times.

well, since i'm the only one living here and he's not my friend, i told him to "go forth and multiply" (the more cerebrally-enhanced person would know that this is not how the actual phrase was said!.... ok, i told him to "f_ck off!")

before he hang up, he told me i was crazy.

this got me into thinking.

how do you define this?

by the book? which means, you are considered strange in relation to your non-conformity to the social and cultural norms within the society that you currently belong and that this strangeness has affected your life in more ways than one making you dysfunctional.

am i guilty of this?

do i like doing what other consider worth-doing? - NO

do i care what other people think? - NO

do i conform? - NO

do i fit into some subtypes people designed to label people? - YES(the strange ones, i guess)

do i have a nagging desire to be considered normal? - NO

am i normal? - NO

do i have a pleasant optimistic view of the human plight? - MAYBE (then again, maybe not!)

i asked myself a lot of other questions ranging from the deep (do i want my life to be purposeful? - MAYBE) to shallow (will changing my hairstyle affect the essence of life, my life? - YES; everybody else's life? - YES), to insignificant (will my optimism in the philippine government affect the politicians' decisions.... insignificant because they never think of anybody else's good but theirs. this has always been their major goal!).

these thoughts got me occupied for at least a couple of minutes.

nothing compares to the idiocy of a moronic wrong number caller to trigger an existential crisis!


do i even care? - HELL NO!

everybody's doin' it!!!

no, it's not what you think! (altough, in all honesty, whatever it is you are thinking, i might be doing that too!!!)

i'm talking about friendster blog.

i'm tired of hearing friends and family say: "friendster blog is blah, blah, blah.... try it, blah, blah, blah... i'm boring, blah, blah, blah..."

and right now - i'm bored...

so, i jumped into that bandwagon!

this is the site: (just click) PAZUZU690'S FRIENDSTER BLOG

and, let the show begin!

baby ANJO.... (strong boy!!!)

akong nephew!!!

Anthony Joseph (nephew)

"The day will come when, after harnessing space, the winds, the tides, gravitation, we shall harness the energies of love. And, on that day, for the second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire."

Teilhard de Chardin

END

all the raging emotions we had for each other...

all the hopes we shared and the plans we've made for the future...

all happiness we once shared...

everything we've ever had...

vanished together with just one word...

the last word we ever uttered to each other...

my last memory of our shared heaven...

of you as my joy...

of us...

END!!!

  













  

Glittery texts by bigoo.ws

  













  

Scroll images by bigoo.ws

  





  

Glittery texts by bigoo.ws

  

Scroll images by bigoo.ws