PAZUZU690

disappointed...

2009-05-03T11:52:00.001+08:00

i also took a free web-based Rorschach Ink Blot Test and found out that (and i quote), "you are normal. there's nothing wrong with you psychologically."

how could this be?

i thought i was unique!

now, I AM depressed!

Colorgenics

2009-05-03T10:42:00.002+08:00

one of those free web-based personality tests based on your color preference!

this is fun and more than 90% accurate for me!

if interested to take the test, click this: COLORGENICS personality test!

_____________________________________________________________________

Name: liu
Date: 5/2/2009
Colorgenics Number: 34126507

Utmost in your mind is success. You are constantly seeking stimulation and a life full of experience. You are trying to 'grow' and above all you need to develop freely and to shake off the shackles of self-doubt. You are an enthusiastic individual, full of life with the desire to live intensely. You like contact with others and are enthusiastic by nature. You are receptive to anything new, modern or intriguing. Your interests are many and you are likely to expand your fields of activities. You are optimistic about the future and you deserve every success because deep down you are a 'winner'.

You are very self-sufficient and methodical. You presume to know where you are going but need to find a person who will recognise the way you are, not be too demanding and who is, as they say in Italy, 'Simpatico'.

You give the impression that you are a self-sufficient individual, pretending that you are stoical - indifferent to pain or pleasure. But this is not so, for in truth you are an extremely emotional person, one that may make hasty decisions and perhaps repent at leisure. It is time now perhaps to break the bond of detachment and become the real 'you' - the you that you would like to be.

You are being unduly influenced by the situation that is all around you. You do not like the feeling of loneliness and whatever it is that seems to separate you from others. You know that life can be wonderful and you are anxious to experience life in all its aspects, to live it to the full. You therefore resent any restriction or limitations that are being imposed on you and you insist on going it alone.

You don't like authority and you rebel against all forms of limitation. You are your own person and you intend to stay that way and to get on in the world simply by your hard work and determination.

with my baby anjo (8/20/08)

2008-08-21T20:51:00.002+08:00

2008-07-25T11:20:00.001+08:00

CONGRATULATIONS! (june 2008 Nursing Board Exam. Passers)

CONGRATULATIONS TO CEBU NORMAL UNIVERSITY (CEBU STATE COLLEGE) for landing in the 2nd place for school performance nationwide (with more than 100 examinees)!

here's the list:

NUMBER 1 (ave: 99%)

Trinity University of Asia
University of the East Ramon Magsaysay Mem. Medical Center

NUMBER 2 (ave: 98%)

Cebu Normal University (Cebu State College)
University of Santo Tomas
Saint Louis University
Chinese General Hospital
College of Nursing and Liberal Arts
West Visayas State University - La Paz
Saint Paul University - Dumaguete

NUMBER 3 (ave: 96%)

De La Salle University - Dasmarinas Health Science Campus

___________________________________________________

likewise, i would like to congratulate those who belong to the TOP 10 spots in the june 2008 nursing board exams (cebu examinees only):

TOP 4

Dalfon Silvio Balbular Navaja (Cebu Institute of Technology)

TOP 6

Regina Kris Villaflor Cabanilla (Cebu Normal University)
Elaine Esther Saldua Fontanar (Cebu Normal University)

TOP 7

Jennifer Baguio Gait (Velez College)
Ariane Castanares Llevares (Cebu Normal University)

TOP 8

Lorraine Yu Embay (University of the Visayas)

TOP 9

Blake Warren Coloma Ang (Cebu Doctor's University)
Maria Wella Balbona Pichon (University of the Visayas)
Meludee Joy Madrigal Roche (Cebu Normal University)
Angela Solayao Tiu (Velez College)

TOP 10

Jeriel Bayhonan Besagas (Cebu Normal University)
Marienne Sungcad Bravo (Systems Technology Institute - Cebu)
Bridgel Avila Galorio (Cebu Normal University)

UG CONGRATULATIONS SA TANAN NAKA-PASAR SA JUNE 2008 NURSING BOARD EXAM!!!

confessions of a pain addict

2008-06-13T15:29:00.013+08:00

(this is an entry from my friendster blog that i didn't edit)

some people (yep, plural) asked why i only post painful blog entries and not happy ones and i know a lot of my blog readers are asking the same question (even if they are not as articulate as the others) along with ~~when is this guy going to slash his wrist?~~ (LOL) doesn't he have happy times?

well to answer your questions, my dear ~~rabid~~ avid fans (all the 3 of you... or maybe less), read on:

1. i do have happy times and i do have journal entries and write ups about them but the reason why you, my faithful minions, haven't read about them here is because I DON'T FEEL like posting them here yet... maybe you'll read them here, then again, maybe NOT!

2. speaking of journal entries, i do keep a journal called ~~I'M A SEX MANIAC~~ "TODO SOBRE MI VIDA LOCA" and i primarily write my thoughts there... those that i find interesting (according to me anyway) i post here or in my other blog PAZUZU690 over at blogspot which has more entries than what i have here at friendster. this also means that a lot of my thoughts/musings/rantings with "happy" or "contented" undertones/content which aren't posted here are actually contained there in my journal.

3. i basically don't do drama in real life. this is my outlet. sort of like a poor man's therapy session. i get to vent out and unload all my stress/angst/frustrations/etc at all of you my ~~unsuspecting victims~~ , ummm, ahhh, friends.

in real life, i absorb all my friends' dramas. because of this outlet here, i don't feel the need to be overly dramatic in real life anymore. in fact, i get to be cerebral and mental (as opposed to sentimental) when dealing with the outside world. this means that you could not expect to see me in the real world crying while tearing my clothes, kneeling on the street with outstretched hands to the sky and asking some mythical creature (such as a god or unicorn or something) why THIS has happened to me!

4. ironically (is this a word?), i re-read my painful thoughts here and try and absorb the lessons contained in all these dramas. these entries catalyze some of my amazing learnings in life. sure they are very painful and they ~~make me want to kill people~~ sometimes seem hopeless but they also remind me that my existence is real and i am, at my very best and worst, human.... whatever that means!

5. lastly, i feel that my mind is in its most chaotic state when i'm in emotional pain (my most painful physical experience, the one where it caused me to collapse on the side of the street, can not compare to my mildly painful emotional experience) and by writing these entries i, at least in my own way, have implemented order in mind, arranged things into perspective and re-packaged my disorder/insanity into something that people can understand and relate to.

I FEEL THAT I HAVE THE MOST EVIL ENTITY INSIDE MY ABYSS AND WHEN IT STARES AT ME FROM THE CHASM I IMMEDIATELY GIVE IT A PERSONALITY MAKING IT EASIER FOR ME TO DEPERSONALIZE IT!

isn't that ~~crazy~~ nice?

my baby AnJo

2008-04-10T08:43:00.003+08:00

2008-04-10T08:41:00.000+08:00

you left me just when i needed you most...

Window to Window

2008-01-20T14:42:00.000+08:00

There you are again. Passing by your window.
Where you look out and see me standing here.
Here I am again. Standing at my window.
Where we play the same old game. So far, so near.

The accidental glance where we discover one another.
Then we'll make up an excuse to look again.
And finally we fix our gaze from behind our window sill.
Where we silently agree we both like what we see.

And here we are again. Slowly rising passions.
Will this be the night you beckon me to come to you?

Cause if you send for me I will touch you and caress you.
And if you send for me I will tell you all the things I dream.
And how everything with you feels so right.
And make sweet love until the morning light.

Here we go again. Taking off our shirts.
And teasing with the way we slide our pants down.
And in our underwear how we stop and stare.
The things that we go through to let our guard down.
The connection that was made from window to window.
There's magic in that alone.

A moment by itself that can't be taken lightly.
At last someone to call my own.

And if you send for me I will feel and kiss and hold you.
And if you send for me I will share my beating heart.
Doing everything with you will be alright.
And make sweet love until the morning light.

I see the way you want me. It's the way that I want you.
I want you. I want you. I want you.
Please won't you send for me.
We could start a lifetime of caring.
Come on send for me. Take a risk. Be daring.
I know everything for us will turn out right.

No don't pull down the shades. And don't turn out your light.
Let's end this silly game. Don't lose sight.
Please just one last peek. I'm the one you seek.
Well then. Until tomorrow night

december 2007

2007-12-19T23:03:00.000+08:00

older but not wiser!!!

LOL

poster boy for vanity/narcissism...

2007-09-20T10:14:00.000+08:00

lesson learned today...

2007-04-03T22:30:00.000+08:00

awwoooo....

still me.

2007-02-06T21:54:00.000+08:00

what are we looking for, really?

we have ideas of what we like but most of the times (and i'm speaking from experienece) the people who can really give us what we need aren't those listed on who we like.

we search.

we journey.

i have discovered that the journey itself is the happiness.

there are roadblocks, sidestreets and uncharted courses but i have experienced that if you can appreciate the scenery in every detour and live by the many detours along the way - you will be happy!

i have been burned a lot of times and i have been left on my naked ass on a hard, cold concrete searching for redemption that doesn't come one too many times.

i'm tired but i'm still breathing.

still hoping.

still fighting.

still living.

feeling.

loving?

make me!

Swansong

2007-01-10T17:49:00.000+08:00

There was a point in my life when no one could be happier than I. At that time, it seemed that nothing mattered anymore. No one mattered anymore. It was when time and space mingled into an inconceivable blur. The chaos of the outside world blended in the background. It lost its weight, its impact. It was as if all I ever wished since childhood came true. Everything I ever needed materialized into one absolute happy package and I had it all. Everything was perfect. Everything was too good to be true. It probably was. Now, I can’t think of anything besides farewell. I didn’t regret it though. In fact, If I have to relive my life again, I would relive that moment. No ifs, no buts. That time was a definite all time high in my “so called life”. But no matter how much I try so hard to rekindle the passion, the flame is just isn’t there anymore. Maybe it was the countless realizations along the way. Right now, I think of a lot of things. I think of joy, of sorrow, of passion, of lessons learned and everything in between. And yet no matter how many adjectives I try to apply to everything that happened before, I still am unable to utter a word. Because how do you say what you feel and not get hurt when nothing you could ever say is more appropriate than “goodbye?”

repost.

eleven minutes

2006-12-27T17:01:00.000+08:00

passion makes a person stop eating, sleeping, working, feeling at peace. a lot of people are frightened because, when it appears, it demolishes all the old things it finds in its path.

no one wants their life thrown into chaos. that is why a lot of people keep that threat under control, and are somehow capable of sustaining a house or a structure that is already rotten. they are the engineers of the superseded.

other people think exactly the opposite: they surreneder themselves without a second thought, hoping to find in passion the solutions to all their problems. they make the other person responsible for their happiness and blame them for their possible unhappiness. they are either euphoric because something marvelous has happened or depressed because something unexpected has just ruined everything.

keeping passion at bay or surrendering blindly to it - which of these two attitudes is the least destructive?

i don't know.

(paulo coelho)

Facing the Wall...

2006-12-16T22:04:00.000+08:00

waiting for something...

miracle, redemption, anything...

nothing, nothing, nothing...

just facing the wall...

HISSY FIT

2006-12-16T21:52:00.000+08:00

I'm five years old again...

I'm standing in front of a toy i know i couldn't have...

I'm screaming my head off...

I'm tearing my hair and scattering them all over...

I'm banging my head on the concrete floor... blood gushes...

I'm kicking furiously at everything...

I'm keening, I'm wailing...

I'm five years old again but this time, nobody hears or sees me...

Nobody's there!

i'm sorry, but...

2006-11-09T19:53:00.000+08:00

i'm sorry, but....
it has been almost a week...

but who's counting?

wasn't it you who said that you love me? that your feelings for me won't change? and that nothing will ever make you leave?

i'm sorry but i'm confused right now... because you left no trace and i am having trouble making your words and my reality coincide.

wasn't it that the last time we communicated we were happy? didn't we plan for our lives to be together for always?

i'm sorry but you promised me eternity and yet, right now, you are making me feel that my forever has ended and our future has become a thing of the past.

haven't we agreed, as fated halves of each other, that we will always talk things out? didn't we say that most of our miscommunications will be remedied with being open?

i'm sorry but for a week now i was the only one talking and you seem like a mute witness to my anguish... enjoying my turmoil, basking in the dark light of my despair and feeding on my weakness, insecurities and nearly extinguished joy.

haven't we made enough promises to each other to never hurt one another?

i'm sorry but i can only remember your words and they do no good to the pain you have subjected me now.

it has been almost a week.

days, hours, minutes, seconds...

and i am still waiting, waiting...

i'm sorry but i am counting.

2006-10-31T02:24:00.000+08:00

mi vuelvo loco

2006-10-17T00:44:00.000+08:00

i got a wrong number today.

the caller was a moron (obviously, he has achieved "slowness" in more than one aspects of his life!). he "wasn't sure" (as quoted) what numbers he dialled but he's sure he dialled the right numbers and he's looking for his friend. he wouldn't stop. he called several times.

well, since i'm the only one living here and he's not my friend, i told him to "go forth and multiply" (the more cerebrally-enhanced person would know that this is not how the actual phrase was said!.... ok, i told him to "f_ck off!")

before he hang up, he told me i was crazy.

this got me into thinking.

how do you define this?

by the book? which means, you are considered strange in relation to your non-conformity to the social and cultural norms within the society that you currently belong and that this strangeness has affected your life in more ways than one making you dysfunctional.

am i guilty of this?

do i like doing what other consider worth-doing? - NO

do i care what other people think? - NO

do i conform? - NO

do i fit into some subtypes people designed to label people? - YES(the strange ones, i guess)

do i have a nagging desire to be considered normal? - NO

am i normal? - NO

do i have a pleasant optimistic view of the human plight? - MAYBE (then again, maybe not!)

i asked myself a lot of other questions ranging from the deep (do i want my life to be purposeful? - MAYBE) to shallow (will changing my hairstyle affect the essence of life, my life? - YES; everybody else's life? - YES), to insignificant (will my optimism in the philippine government affect the politicians' decisions.... insignificant because they never think of anybody else's good but theirs. this has always been their major goal!).

these thoughts got me occupied for at least a couple of minutes.

nothing compares to the idiocy of a moronic wrong number caller to trigger an existential crisis!

do i even care? - HELL NO!

everybody's doin' it!!!

2006-10-12T00:33:00.000+08:00

no, it's not what you think! (altough, in all honesty, whatever it is you are thinking, i might be doing that too!!!)

i'm talking about friendster blog.

i'm tired of hearing friends and family say: "friendster blog is blah, blah, blah.... try it, blah, blah, blah... i'm boring, blah, blah, blah..."

and right now - i'm bored...

so, i jumped into that bandwagon!

this is the site: (just click) PAZUZU690'S FRIENDSTER BLOG

and, let the show begin!

baby ANJO.... (strong boy!!!)

2006-09-09T10:30:00.001+08:00

akong nephew!!!

Anthony Joseph (nephew)

2006-09-03T12:46:00.000+08:00

2006-09-02T18:29:00.000+08:00

"The day will come when, after harnessing space, the winds, the tides, gravitation, we shall harness the energies of love. And, on that day, for the second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire."

Teilhard de Chardin

END

2006-08-26T00:26:00.000+08:00

all the raging emotions we had for each other...

all the hopes we shared and the plans we've made for the future...

all happiness we once shared...

everything we've ever had...

vanished together with just one word...

the last word we ever uttered to each other...

my last memory of our shared heaven...

of you as my joy...

of us...

END!!!

2006-08-20T07:25:00.000+08:00

Glittery texts by bigoo.ws

Scroll images by bigoo.ws

Glittery texts by bigoo.ws

Scroll images by bigoo.ws

ambivalence

2006-08-18T19:37:00.000+08:00

stop, i can't and i won't anymore
your essence embracing me hot
wasting me, more than before
but leave me not...

stop, i can't and i wont' anymore
kisses so fierce and fiery
i'm smoldered, i rot
but stop kissing me not...

stop, i can't and i won't anymore
tender love, destructive love
you give, you force me a lot
but stop loving me not!!!

2006-06-18T00:28:00.000+08:00

with daryl and armiel at the reunion...

2006-06-18T00:26:00.000+08:00

10th year reunion (Cebu State College - CN '96)....

with my baby Alfons Aris nga liwat sa iya tatay Liu... lol

2006-06-11T22:56:00.000+08:00

Your Brain's Pattern

Structured and organized, you have a knack for thinking clearly.
You are very logical - and you don't let your thoughts get polluted with emotions.
And while your thoughts are pretty serious, they're anything from boring.
It's minds like yours that have built the great cities of the world!

What Pattern Is Your Brain?

2006-06-11T22:34:00.000+08:00

Your Personality Is Like Alcohol

You're the life of the party, a total flirt, and probably a pretty big jokester.
Sometimes your behavior gets you in trouble, but you still remain socially acceptable.
You're a pretty bad driver, and you're dancing could also use a little work!

What Drug Is Your Personality Like?

lesson from Ally McBeal

2006-06-08T23:15:00.000+08:00

if you want to end up with the right person, you've got to make it happen!

the best people are always taken,

if you won't steal them - you won't have them!!!

2006-05-27T01:14:00.000+08:00

The greatest lesson i have learned is that it doesn't matter what people think.

So, when they tell me to take my liberal thoughts, my strange beliefs, my eccentricism and my pink shirt and transfer to another planet i just had to laugh because...

it's not pink - it's FUCHSIA!

sinulog

2006-05-11T03:04:00.000+08:00

my bestfriend jaschik and i at ayala center cebu's sinulog exhibit!!!

2006-05-11T00:06:00.000+08:00

2006-05-11T00:05:00.000+08:00

yes, this is me... i gained 20 lbs. and i'm darker because of my summer job in the mountains of sapangdaku...

any other questions?

Jesse

2006-04-09T17:21:00.000+08:00

I was standing in line waiting for a cab outside of ayala. With a heavy heart, i just waited in silence, thinking about how someone made me believe that she's so eager to see me but decided to leave me waiting for her there for more than 2 hours without any explanation or plan of showing up.

my phone's message alert tone went off. D12's D12 World kept on playing inside my left front jeans pocket for a while before i was jarred away from my lonely imaginings.

"are you wearing a green polo shirt and wearing sandals with 23 on them?" the text message read.

i looked around but don't see her. i pressed the call feature of my cellphone when her cellphone number was on my screen. it rang thrice before she answered in her sweet voice.

"where are you, i've been waiting for more than 2 hours?" i said.

"i'm sorry, i got caught up from a previous engagement. my friend just arrived from mindanao and we had dinner and it became harder for me to free myself from him the longer we chatted. i'm so sorry!"

"well, anyway, now i know why you ditched me. have a fun time with your friend", i said back.

"no, he's gone now. if you still want to meet me, i'm in the entertainment center wearing a red cap! i'm really sorry!"

so, off i went inside ayala again. went way past the only guard i know in ayala center who is indifferent. you could bring a bag big enough to contain a groud to air explosive and he still won't care! went to Bo's Cafe (one of her favorite place) but didn't find her there. When I went out, she waived her hand from the side of Tequilla Joe's.

there she was, standing tall, beautiful, with the loveliest smile and big round innocent looking eyes just staring at me. it made me feel all tingly all over when i realized that this wonderful person is doing nothing but look, wait and smile at me. she made me feel like a kid inside a toy store and looking straight into the eyes of the biggest and newest toy available for my pleasure. i felt really happy and really excited at the same time.

"i thought you were wearing a red cap?" i asked

she laughed. it sounded like the sweetest symphony i've heard for that day!

"i was just here when you passed by to go inside Bo's Coffee and when you came out to look for me. i thought you saw me coz you looked at me for a little while", she said

"well, if you've just said that you were wearing a maroon cap instead of red, i would've approached you then!", i said laughing with her

"maroon or red, aren't they in the same family?"

we both laughed then.

we spent the next few hours talking and walking around the mini park outside of ayala. we talked about our childhood (some really bad experiences are similar), how things affected us, favorites, pet peeves, music, movies, etc.

as we were doing this, it got me more excited when i know that she's looking at me or when our skin brushed. so, i made sure to be as near her as possible. sometimes, while she talked, i placed my hand along her backside to appear as if i'm guiding her (in reality i was savoring what seemed to be an electric current passed from her skin to mine). sometimes, i look at her eyes while she's talking and i feel so hopelessly drawn towards her. on that night, under the canopy of the trees in the ayala mini park and the myriad twinkling stars above - i have slowly rebuild my faith in love.

at around midnight, i asked her if she would like to continue our conversation in the beach as it would be very relaxing and soothing to have our feet in the sand or the water while talking. and without pause she accepted the invitation.

each second that we spent with each other made me feel like i have already found someone that i know will make me happy and contented in life.

someone who will love me for what i am, who i am and who i will become.

someone i will devote all my life loving and making happy.

someone i am glad to call my wife.

apology accepted...

2006-03-29T10:57:00.000+08:00

i understand what you are going through.

thank you for understanding me too...

2006-03-29T10:52:00.001+08:00

2006-03-29T10:52:00.000+08:00

2006-03-28T23:29:00.000+08:00

2006-03-26T06:51:00.000+08:00

HOW LONG MUST I BE PUNISHED FOR THE THINGS I DIDN'T DO?

HOW MUCH PAIN SHOULD I ENDURE FOR OTHER PEOPLE'S MISTAKES?

HOW FAR SHOULD I GO WITH THIS HUMILIATION BEFORE YOU CAN SAY THAT I AM TRUE TO MY WORDS?

2006-03-25T16:24:00.000+08:00

I HONESTLY DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!

I DID NOT DO ANYTHING WRONG!

I AM HONEST AND TRUE!

NOW, MY HEAD IS ACHING!

2006-03-19T14:53:00.000+08:00

there will always be problems mi querida...

and i will always be here for you...

para siempre, mi amor!

THANK YOU FOR YOUR GREETING CARD!!!

2006-03-17T23:40:00.000+08:00

THANK YOU FOR THIS...

YOU HAVE MADE MY BIRTHDAY EXTRA SPECIAL!!!

eres todo en mi.... mi querida

2006-03-16T23:41:00.000+08:00

i received this from you.

now, i'm overjoyed.

thank you.

oye mi amor....yo queria decirte que lo amo tanto! tu eres mi vida. sin ti soy nadie. sin tu amor, mi vida es hueco. gracias que te encuentro. gracias que veniste a mi vida. ese dia me salvo, tu recuerdas que lo paso? mi dijiste que yo tenia algo mal y me curaste! nunca te olvidare....NUNCA! TE AMO PARA SIEMPRE!

imaginame sin ti....

2006-03-05T12:04:00.000+08:00

this is one of your favorite songs...

you sang this back to me when i sang "perdido sin ti" to you...

now that you're gone

all i ever do is

download versions of your favorite song

listen

get depressed

long for you

feel how happy i was when we were together

weep....

because it's very painful to "imagine me without you!"

IMAGINAME SIN TI

2006-03-05T12:00:00.000+08:00

Mientras brillen las estrellas
Y los ríos corran hacia el mar
Hasta el día en que tu vuelvas
Sé que no te dejaré de amar

Si escucharas mi lamento
Si me vieras volverías,
Ya he pagado un alto precio
Por el mal que yo te hacía

Soy culpable ya lo sé
Y estoy arrepentido, te pido

Imagíname sin tí,
Y regresarás a mi
Sabes que sin tu amor,
nada soy
Que no podré sobrevivir
Imagíname sin tí
Cuando mires mi retrato
Si algo en tí, queda de mí
Regresa por favor,
Imagíname sin tí

Se ha borrado mi sonrisa
Y la lluvia no ha cesado,
SI supieras como duele
El no tenerte aqui a mi lado

Soy culpable ya lo sé
Y estoy arrepentido, te pido

Imagíname sin tí,
Y regresarás a mí
Sabes que sin tu amor,
nada soy
Que no podré sobrevivir
Imagíname sin tí
Cuando mires mi retrato
Si algo en tí, queda de mí
Regresa por favor,
Imagíname sin ti

PERDIDO SIN TI...

2006-02-28T00:16:00.000+08:00

Quedate cada noche
Y suename en la luna
Amame por las calles
perdidas de mi vida
Besame poco a poco
No sea que me muera
Vive con este loco
Perdido que te quiere

Si me hace falta tu presencia
Yo me pierdo buscandote
Cierro mi vida, cierro para mi
El libro blanco de mi vida
El libro blanco de mi vida

Perdido sin ti
No me dejes solo
Sin ti

Quedate en mi casa
I love you
Sin ti me falta todo
I need you
Sin ti no queda nada

Estoy perdido
no me dejes solo
Sin ti
Quedate en mi casa
No te vayas
Sin ti me falta todo
Esperate
Sin ti no queda nada

Amor
Quedate
Amor
Quedate
Toda la vida
Quedate
Perdido sin ti

Guardate en mi memoria
Y escondete en mis brazos
Metete por los poros
Abiertos de mi herida
mirame desde cerca
Y matame si quieres
Pero no me abandones
Al viento de mi vida

Se me falta tu presencia
Yo me pierdo buscandote
Cierro mi vida, cierro para mi
El libro blanco de mi vida
El libro blanco de mi vida

holding on...

2006-02-20T22:08:00.000+08:00

a newborn patient died last night and while the parents were weeping, they said, "thank you baby for giving us the opportunity to be with you and care for you even for just 3 weeks. thank you baby for giving us the chance to love you even for a little while!"

i almost cried right there and then because that's exactly how i feel for you (minus the dying part)!

you entered my life without a warning and instantly my pathetic existence was assaulted with so much joy and contentment. i was never looking for love or commitment because they never made me happy before. when you came it's like as if everything in my life turned 360* and you brought more meaning and happiness into my life than a couple of years i have living alone and pretending i was happy and contented. you have no idea how happy you made me while you were with me everyday for a little more than a month. you have no idea how much you made me feel so loved and lucky to have found you. and i would like to take this opportunity to let you know that i love you very, very much and that i would be very lucky if you give me the chance to love you and care for you until we're old. i have to tell you these because you deserved these and more.

i don't want to let you go without telling you how great you are...

i don't want to let you go without telling you how lucky i am that you messaged me first...

i don't want to let you go without saying thank you for giving me the opportunity to love you and care for you...

i don't want to let you go without saying i love you very much...

i don't want to let you go!

minus one is the loneliest number...

2006-02-19T17:23:00.000+08:00

the small room seemed a whole lot bigger and colder now...

the bed, which contains your smell, feels hostile to my body...

the bathroom doesn't seem inviting anymore...

the food never seemed less edible than now...

i think i'm still breathing, i'm not sure though...

i think this is life...

now that you are gone!

Bisaya Online EB (Sweet Surrender)

2006-02-16T01:04:00.000+08:00

soydecebu, ckela and bf, little girl, mags, lady_yuna, dhedi, rasta_dubbed, pazuzu690, tindak_gihapon & james...

mi querida

2006-01-21T15:40:00.000+08:00

i have been happy before but never this extatic...

i have been loved in countless ways but yours gave me a new definition of bliss...

i have been very thankful in the past...

but i want to take this opportunity to thank you for making me happy and for giving me this chance to love you my way!

you have no idea how happy and loved you made me feel...

and i'm taking this chance that you gave me to make you feel the same way.

A TRUE FRIEND'S PLEDGE

2005-12-28T19:14:00.000+08:00

Are you tired of all those "sissy-ass" friendship poems that always sound good but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a series of promises that really speaks of true friendship

1. When you are sad: I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry ass who made you sad!
2. When you are blue: I will dislodge what is choking you!
3. When you smile: I will know you finally got laid!
4. When you are scared: I will rag on you about it every chance i get!
5. When you are worried: I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to quit whining!
6. When you are confused: I will use little words!
7. When you are sick: Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have!
8. When you fall: I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass!

This is my oath. I pledge this till the end.

"Why?" you may ask, because you are my friend.

Send this to 10 of your closest friends, then get depresssed because you can only think of 4!

Remember:
A good friend will help you move on.

A really good friend will help you move a body.

Let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel!

not bad at all...

2005-12-26T14:15:00.000+08:00

okay, so, the meaning of christmas, for a couple of decades now, has always been overshadowed by consumerism and commercialism...

this is the philippines, so, it's worse here. let me tell you why.

when the months start to hit "ber" (which of course starts with september) the filipino malls and most establishments start playing/broadcasting over the PA familiar christmas songs and the not-so-familiar and the "just plain irritating" version of any imaginable christmas song/jingle in such a way that when christmas actually arrives - you don't like hearing them anymore because it will cause you to vomit and turn psycho!

at the same time that these songs start, the christmas commercials also start.

christmas specials in september, october, november and december.

christmas' meaning gets lost in all these.

it's like the gold lost its luster.

however tragic this may seem i am fortunate to have with me my family this christmas.
they have ushered a new version of the meaning of christmas.
they have made me feel how a person should feel in times of giving and loving.
they are the reason why there is a christmas.

yes, christmas for me is nothing but a rest day. yes, i don't like the way christmas is being treated in this country. yes, christmas songs make me puke.

and yes, i am having a very merry christmas because i am loved.

i sincerely wish you the same thing.

stella and I...

2005-11-27T21:23:00.000+08:00

2005-11-27T21:20:00.000+08:00

my new one...

doesn't even look like me...

lol

leeches...

2005-11-13T21:24:00.000+08:00

i'm just pissed off...

there's a lot of those puta madres en mi place de trabajar!!!

mierda!!!

2005-11-13T17:21:00.000+08:00

she asked me to contribute...

i said yes..

and, yes, we are friends and we have met a couple of times...

madz's not so great idea...

2005-11-13T17:16:00.000+08:00

welcome to the beginning of the end...

anyway, madz asked me to be a contributor of her blog and naturally i felt honored, flattered and confused because the first thing that went inside my mind was "how the hell do we do that?"

and naturally (again), i asked her in all honesty... "how (expletive deleted coz she's a lady) do we do that?"....

a communication in our yahoo IM 's happened and to make the short story shorter...

here i am!open, raw and, well, slightly evil.welcome to the beginning of the end.

oh, and, let the show begin!

http://madzrhyz.blogspot.com/

le fate ignoranti

2005-11-10T17:17:00.000+08:00

for

the seven years we spent together, for the part of you i miss, that

part i'll never have, for everytime you said: "i can't", and for

everytime you said: "i'll come back".

forever waiting, can i call my patience, "love"?

FEEL

2005-11-06T14:15:00.000+08:00

come and hold my hand

i wanna contact the living

not sure i understand

this role i've been given...

(robbie williams)

2005-11-02T04:01:00.000+08:00

feliz dia de los muertos!!!

2005-11-01T01:04:00.000+08:00

this is the altar that i used to place you in...

i used to offer flowers and candle to you...

you used to give me internal peace and joy...

now, would it be too much to pray for your return?

2005-10-31T08:27:00.000+08:00

somewhere amongst these tombs you have buried that part of me that keeps on breaking...

waiting for you to give it life again...

2005-10-31T08:17:00.000+08:00

right here waiting....

uncomplaining...

patient...

wanting...

longing...

rusted and battered...

but not without life...

be here again...

make me...

your angel again...

pascal

2005-10-29T10:07:00.000+08:00

le coeur a ses raisons que la raison connoit pas!

2005-10-22T05:11:00.000+08:00

at fruits and foods with students...

andrea and zach...

2005-10-16T17:29:00.000+08:00

2005-10-01T14:06:00.000+08:00

with the "maya's" from section P...

some of the buotan sections...

(lol)

alyssa milano

2005-09-24T10:55:00.000+08:00

"being that we're all animals, you learn in the safari that monogamy is not natural!!!"

still?

2005-09-17T23:42:00.000+08:00

it has been long since i last saw you.

you still have that gorgeous long black straight hair that i loved so much about...

still have that lovely angelic face that i went so crazy about...

still have that knock-out smile that sent shivers through my spine...

still have that killer body that i used to worship as my temple...

i looked at you for a long time...

then i got bored and thought of someone else instead.

it's funny how time changes a person.

you might still be that same lovable person...

but i'm not the same loving person anymore...

i have changed like you've always wanted me to!

thank you.

now, i'm better!

7th annual Chancellor's Cup Bowling Tournament

2005-09-17T23:34:00.000+08:00

2005-09-06T22:48:00.000+08:00

real men aren't afraid to wear pink.... (they are only afraid of their wives!)

job shift!

2005-09-04T10:47:00.000+08:00

i've been thinking a lot lately about changing jobs/work....

but in the interest of NOT BEING ARRESTED, you just have to email me your questions...

new motto

2005-09-04T10:30:00.000+08:00

THE ROMANS DID NOT CONQUER THE WORLD BY ATTENDING BOARD MEETINGS - THE KILL THOSE WHO OPPOSE THEM!

ENOUGH

2005-07-22T22:54:00.000+08:00

i am nothing special. of this i am sure.
i am a common man with common thoughts.
i've lived a common life.
there are no monuments dedicated to me.
and my name will soon be forgotten.
but i've loved another with all my heart and soul.
and for me, this has always been enough!

people from work!

2005-07-05T23:18:00.000+08:00

c'est moi!

2005-07-03T12:00:00.000+08:00

"most people would rather be a sheep and have company, than stand out on their own with antlers on!"

tori amos

Malena

2005-06-26T10:43:00.000+08:00

"... i peddaled faster as if escaping from longing, from innocence, from love.
many years have passed and i have loved many women.

when they were holding me in their arms, they asked if i will remember them, and i said: "i will always remember you!"

but the only one i have never forgotten was the one who didn't ask..."

FAMOUS ALCOHOLIC QUOTES

2005-06-15T21:46:00.000+08:00

DISCLAIMER: KIDS, DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME!

"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink I feel shamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver." - Jack Handy

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day." - Frank Sinatra

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza." - Dave Barry

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them

To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can! - Dave Howell

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers. One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm.
Here's how it went:

"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

2005-06-10T23:00:00.000+08:00

here's lookin at you kid!

2005-05-23T23:42:00.000+08:00

dreamboy (i wish!)

journal entry

2005-05-15T19:36:00.000+08:00

saturday. 3:30 am.

no friends.
no bar scene.
no alcohol.

alone in the dark.

awake.
can't sleep.

still waiting
and hoping
that father time
will heal
that part of me
that keeps on
breaking...

2005-05-02T09:19:00.000+08:00

with the cool padre and brother from tabor hills... lunch time pics in binaliw...

2005-05-02T09:18:00.000+08:00

lunch with one of the coolest priests in the world... good luck padre (the one in a black and white polo and glasses) on your missionary work...

2005-05-02T09:16:00.000+08:00

on the way to agpasan for our show... before the jeepers-bloopers event...

2005-05-02T09:14:00.000+08:00

immersion 05 with level III - E (binaliw staff house)

2005-05-02T09:13:00.000+08:00

deep sleep... BLISS!

2005-05-02T09:12:00.000+08:00

nothing... just nothing better to do...

2005-05-02T09:11:00.000+08:00

trying to appear as if i'm stopping the car with my own strength... as if... (told you i've nothing better to do...)

2005-05-02T09:10:00.000+08:00

in mabolo outside the house... still with nothing to do...

2005-05-02T09:09:00.000+08:00

in mabolo doing nothing on a weekend...

hello? hello?

2005-04-05T20:57:00.000+08:00

i watch you move so gracefully towards me...

your beauty outshining everything on the street...

body full of warmth...

your hair flowing gently with the breeze...

you walk past me...

and i caught a glimpse of your eyes...

they are distant and cold...

they tell me i do not exist...

i am nothing!

assurance...

2005-04-05T20:44:00.000+08:00

went to the ICU of a hospital a while ago.

i saw people hanging to a very thin thread, fighting for dear life.

you can feel their determination even when they are not moving or waking...

the doctors and nurses attending to their every need gives them the love and compassion they need in such a time....

they are hooked to monitors and various machines telling them that their cause is not lost...

they are still in the world of the living...

and i look at myself...

i am not connected to anything signifying that i contain life...

i don't have doctors and nurses making me feel warmth...

so, really, what's my assurance that i'm still alive?

letter

2005-03-26T11:03:00.000+08:00

It’s never easy giving a letter a start after the end of a relationship. But I have come to a point where everything in my life is divided into only two parts – before and after you. And I have to at least, in some way, let you know that, if only in baring my pain to you help me sustain my grip on reality in this indifferent world. Before us, I’ve always thought that for whatever it is, if it was given an end, it is terminated, done with, and never to be dealt with again. Then I realized, you were the beginning of a lot of the best things that ever happened to me. You were a catalyst for some of the major changes that I have so gladly embraced. Changes that for the years to come would serve as the defining characteristics of my being. And it’s never easy to part with someone I have not only come to regard as someone being with me, but also, someone in me. I know that as far as you are concerned, to you, I’m just one of those characters in the after in the before and after scenes that pass by your life. I know that you probably have not the slightest inkling in thinking of me again. And that you want me to let everything go and just move on. I know you mean well but how can I? While you were the story of my life, you were also a cliffhanger. While you were the fruit orchard that my soul and my dreams walked naked, you were also the iron gate that caught my skin and ripped my body open. And I just couldn’t walk away from a part of me and never look back. It’s true that you were the sweetest torment I have ever ventured upon. But it’s also true that I have never regretted any point in our relationship. I was always looking forward to being with you. I don’t think anyone could ever find regret in having a life. You were my life. If I have never made you feel that, I’m sorry. You were. If I have made a lousy display of my affection, I apologize. While these all pertain to events in an elapsed time, I have two great concerns in the present. First, is that, I miss you. I do. You were, after all, and still are, an addiction. A breath of fresh air in the polluted and pungent city atmosphere, so to speak. This is true and not just some cheap, outdated “guy modus operandi” to lure you back to something you tried to run away from. Second, is that, I would really want to know what happened. And being imperfect as I am, please tell me where I have gone wrong and what I should have done to be that guy you have always wanted to have but never had while with me. I know I never came close to “the next best thing” that ever happened to you but I think I deserve at least a semi-educated, semi-literate, semi-civilized conversation, if only it were to end a relationship, a life, a we. That, and an explanation at least. You may not anymore want me as I am but at least help me see the faults that I made and make myself better. Give me also an occasion to air myself out to you. Give me at least a chance to hear you say it to me in a nice way. A chance to see your face when you break it to me. Maybe feel what you’re feeling. Maybe see your visions. Maybe be with you again…

bunyag

2005-03-24T02:41:00.000+08:00

my baby alfonz aris' bunyag

my godbaby alfonz aris

2005-03-24T02:40:00.000+08:00

just like godtatay - a real heartbreaker...

downward spiral...

2005-03-24T02:01:00.000+08:00

Down once more
to the dungeon
of my black despair!
Down we plunge
to the prison
of my mind!
Down that path
into darkness
deep as hell!

Why, you ask,
was I bound and chained
in this cold and dismal place?
Not for any
mortal sin, but the
wickedness of
my abhorrent face!

(courtesy of phantom of the opera)

2005-03-14T21:42:00.000+08:00

kiat lang gihapon ug mga nawng.

2005-03-14T21:26:00.000+08:00

college buds... real friends... forever friends...